On Kink and Faith


I’ve recently had the pleasure of making the acquaintance of the Suburban Domme. In a post she wrote about Gorian philosophy and Gynarchy, I made the comment:

I think that (at the risk of being blasphemous) kink is like faith, it’s entirely personal in the end. We each come to it in our own way and we each must be responsible to it as well. The variations are infinite.

The parallels of kink and faith have been on my mind ever since.

I don’t consider myself religious by any stretch of the imagination. I haven’t been in a church since I was seven years old other than when my parents dragged me for various special events. I don’t believe in religion of any kind. However, I do consider myself a person of faith. I believe in a power greater than ourselves. I believe there is a plan for all of us, but that we are simply limited within our human framework and therefore unable to grasp that plan in all of its complexities.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve grown more accepting of the various incarnations of faith among humans. I have no issue if you get on your knees and pray, or chant mantras, meditate, or hold a snake. I really don’t. To each his own. We must all find our personal way of dealing with life and its vagaries. We must all find our own way of dealing with the injustice in our reality and the pain and hurt that goes along with it.

For me, that is accepting that there is a creator and trusting that when I don’t know the answer, someone out there does, but if I just keep moving forward and hold onto hope, I will eventually understand.

That is my personal incarnation on faith and spirituality.

Kink, to my way of thinking, is very much like this. Take, for instance, the BDSM community. In my research, I’ve come across Tops, Doms, Dommes, subs, sadists, masochists, fetishists of all kinds. No two people that I meet are the same. Some Doms love belts, others only want whips and floggers. Some subs are okay with anal  others aren’t. Some kinksters need latex and rubber others want their faces contorted via steampunk-like contraptions that I still can’t figure out.

The point that I am making is that the incarnations of kink are too varied and too numerous to truly categorize with any granularity. I personally, love that.

Why should it be homogenized? Why must all Dommes be one thing? Why must all subs want the same thing.

Kink, like faith, has a unifying thread. In kink that thread is that our (yes, people, I said “our”) proclivities fall outside of what society has determined is traditional, accepted and therefore “normal” by default. The unifying thread in faith is the belief in a higher power that influences our daily lives.

One of the most beautiful things in both kink and faith, is that there is truly someone for everyone. With so many varieties to choose from, it’s inevitable.

2 thoughts on “On Kink and Faith

  1. I’m playing catch up! I read this last week and it has been in the back of my mind percolating since.

    I am fascinated by human nature over all…..when I found myself plopped into the middle of this part of human nature….I was scared to death…….but I was also like a kind in a candy store with all the things to mentally pick up, touch and ponder.

    The “Kink as religion” has always captivated me. I have friends who do practice the lifestyle with some major intensity and though I’d never be able to follow the protocol/ invest the time and patents into the practice the way they do…..I am just in awe of the “traditions” they have put to work in their own lives.
    The point that I am making is that the incarnations of kink are too varied and too numerous to truly categorize with any granularity. I personally, love that.

    Exactly! I love the way you worded this….it speaks volumes!

    I’ve read/heard so many talk about how the D/s (BDSM) lifestyle creates a more intense connection with a partner.

    It took me a long time to grasp the intent/sentiment behind this statement.

    I have come to understand it isn’t the “actives” that create the depth….. it has more to with the trust that has to be involved to keeps things running smoothly and the amount of faith the partners have to have in each other….and how far that faith can be pushed and stretched in the process of acknowledging that one part of the partnership IS the higher power.

    For the life of me I can’t figure out WHY my husband wants me to be his higher power……but the amount of trust that settles in once we get the “kinks worked out of the kink”……just blows me away at times.

    I know a couple who are “joint pastors” for a small rural church.

    The doctrine of this church is such….. women aren’t allowed to be “lead pastors”….so it is a constant juggling act for this couple to try to stay in that groups “norms” and be who they are as a couple.

    The structure they have in place as a couple and as people who are devout and committed to their church…..leaves me in awe and it is the same thing I “sense” in couples who are “devout” in their practice of D/s.

    And dang..I am rambling…but this is a topic that is near and dear to my heart. It was inserting to see another person expressing thoughts and pondering the subject matter. 🙂

    • Welcome back, I hope you had a good weekend. I agree with you completely that trust and faith in each other are what make the BDSM/Kink relationship so much more intense. Pushing the envelope and testing boundaries and sharing those experiences is, by its very nature, bonding. Think about people who experience life and death situations together. They are forever bound and it is an unshakeable bond whether they ever see one another again after, that bond is always there.

      BDSM/Kink is like that. The profundity of the experience will link you in unexpected ways.

      All the best to you,

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